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I think a big part of it was because I had a sexual pattern that made it difficult for me to see that what I was doing was being casual. I've never had a one night stand. All of the guys I've had sex with, I've known for at least a year. And because aside from my first loveI was friends with the fellas and wasn't quick to jump into bed, or wherever we decided to do it, with them, I always dismissed the idea that what we were doing was… casual.
Let me tell you something that hindsight has definitely taught me. Someone can be literally inside of you and have a totally different perspective of what's going on — from how the sex makes them feel to how they feel about you, period. You know what that means, right? Although I might not have been having casual sex with themthey were certainly having it with me. How do I know that for sure?
From the very meaning of the word "casual":. Casual : happening by chance; fortuitous; without definite or serious intention; careless or offhand; passing; seeming or tending to be indifferent to what is happening; apathetic; unconcerned. I don't know if it's my age 44 or the amount of time I've been abstinentbut what in the world would make anyone feel good about admitting that they participate in the kind of sex that is careless, Women wants casual sex Ingram and has no real intention?
Even if the only intention is that we're all treated with the care and respect that we Women wants casual sex Ingram very much deserve? Just to make sure I wasn't the only one who felt this way, I recently went out into cyberspace to see what others thought about casual sex; otherwise also known as "the hook-up culture". But actually, what I want to pose to you is not that we shouldn't settle for casual sex because being seen as casual should be way beneath our standards, values, and even hormonal needs, I want to talk about how casual sex is something that's actually impossible to do.
Because our bodies won't let us do it. There's a scripture in the Bible that says " There's more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact. Sex is spiritual as well as physical. OK, now watch how this all plays out. One day, while doing some research on the hormone oxytocin, I read that science has discovered that whenever we have sex, there is a literal spiritual experience that takes place; that once we climax, we oftentimes feel connected to a higher power of some sort maybe that's why so many of us say "Oh God!
It's also scientifically-proven that oxytocin causes us to naturally and automatically bond with our sex partners ; this is why oxytocin has the nickname "the love hormone". Hmm…so sex makes you tap into a higher power and bond with your partner. Not emotionally, mind you. I'm talking about what happens to us physically. Our bodies don't know if it's our husband whom we've been with for 10 years or some random we met at a party last night.
OK, let's keep going. A few years back, I watched a YouTube video that truly blew my mind! One thing that was shared is when you conceive with a man whether you keep, miscarry or get an abortiontheir DNA remains a part of you — brace yourself — for the rest of your entire life. Another pearl of wisdom is the fact that our bodies are created to only have one set of sperm inside of us at a time. So, if we have a really wild weekend and have sex with more than one person within a hour period not-so-fun-fact, I've been there — I once had sex with three different guys in the same weekit's not uncommon for us to catch a cold.
Because our bodies are created to only have one sperm in us at a time. When our body notices there is more than one kind of sperm inside of us, it will literally abandon our immune system to try and get that "foreign sperm" out. Just wow. So again, our bodies take sex so seriously that when we make a baby with someone, they are a part of our DNA forever and if we have more than one sperm in us, that can literally make us sick. My personal takeaway? Our bodies don't respond to sex in a careless way; they see intention every time we participate in the act.
That alone should make us, at the very least, rethink using the term "casual sex".
So yeah, whether you decide to wait until marriage or long-term commitment, or you're all good with not being in something so serious before doing-the-do, all I'm asking you to do is not consider the sexual activity you will participate or are participating in as "casual". For one thing, you are far too precious for that. Secondly, your body doesn't see it that way at all. And since you can't have sex without your body being involved…well.
Shellie R. Warren is a lover of quotes, lip glossgraphic t-shirts, silver jewelry and Pumas. She's an author with two published books thus far on matters of the heart. In fact, was the year anniversary of her first release ' Inside of Me: Lessons of Lust, Love and Redemption ' she's seriously mulling over penning a sequel to it and marked her year anniversary of being a mostly full-time writer.
Aside from that, when Shellie's not tellin' all her business, she's helping couples marriage life coach or assisting with birthing babies doula. Her byline is all over cyberspace, but where you won't find her is on social media.
Like anywhere. At all. If you need to hit her up, she's usually reachable at missnosipho at gmail. Much appreciated. You know what? Sometimes, you've got to push a few coins aside and determine in your mind that you're going to invest into your sex life if you had a sex jar, this would be easier to do, by the way.
You can about what that is all about here. If you're someone who is totally down to do that, but you don't have a clue where to begin, boy have you come to the right place! Between the joy of being a writer who sometimes gets samples sent to me, the constant research that I do for the couples I work with and having folks shout-out certain items semi-often, I've compiled a list of 12 sex-related items that may seem random AF a pun is kind of intended there and, at the same time, can make sex so much better between you and your partner.
Where's your pad at? You're definitely gonna wanna take note. Getty Images. Something that's cool about sex games is they can help to bring some laughter and lightness into the atmosphere. While having that kind of goal might seem odd on the onset, it's always important to remember that sex doesn't have to be sober-minded and serious.
It's actually supposed to be a lot of fun!
So, if you want to bring some extra light-hearted-with-a-touch-of-horny foreplay into your space, this is a PDF that you can purchase and immediately download with instructions, including s to put on your Jenga pieces and naughty questions that you can ask your partner. It's on Etsy. You can cop it here. If there's one thing that can hinder a lot of us from going all out when it comes to "setting the stage" for a romantic eveningit's the thought of how much clean up will be required on the back end sigh.
That's a part of the reason why this particular item caught my eye. Pink Cherry is the site that sells them. Go here to buy a batch. What I personally like about this product is it combines the soft glow of a candle with the convenience of a massage oil that you can easily lick off — a win all the way around, y'all!
What makes this edible massage candle even better is it's vegan-friendly, has apricot and coconut oil in it which makes it nourishing for your skin and it comes in three different flavors — strawberry, watermelon and vanilla. Since it's a 4 oz. Here's hoping. Get it here. There are times when, while I'm perusing the internet, I'll see something that is simply cute. That's how I felt when I noticed what looked like a string bikini set top and bottom that's made out of edible candy. Pretty sure there's no need to break this one's possibilities all the way down, right?
Anyway, Walmart sells both pieces at a reasonable price. You can check it out here. For some, nipples are a peak erogenous zone. That said, whether you are trying to experience or experience more nipple orgasms or you're with someone who is a "breast person" and you want to learn how to enjoy getting aroused in that area more, something that could help you out is nipple balm.
This particular kind will help to harden Women wants casual sex Ingram nipples while providing a cooling sensation.Women wants casual sex Ingram
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We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex'