Just wanting to be wanted

Added: Billie Stancil - Date: 31.01.2022 07:12 - Views: 12083 - Clicks: 919

Column What do women really want? That is a question that has long been mired in confusion and even subterfuge. At least I thought so. Sure, as a feminist I already understood that there were many barriers to accessing such power thanks to patriarchy. What women really want, I realized over time, is not immediately accessible to us — we often have to work backwards to unmask our desires.

I wanted to be good, to be desirable, I wanted people to want me — boyfriends, bosses, etc. But what I actually wanted was another matter — one that was still hidden in my unconscious.

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Eisendrath, a Jungian psychotherapist, writes about the archetype of the bitch-hag a cousin of the Madonna-Whore complex. Bitch-hag is a label we desperately want to avoid as we negotiate our relationships, carefully hiding our true desires from our partners and family. Asking for anything is asking for too much — we are fearful of becoming the prototypical nag from hell.

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The night before, they had terrible sex. To be wanted, even by an archetypal douchebag, is enough. When asked what they want, many women answer by telling stories about what other people around them want or need. We are not expected to want pleasure — we are expected to be pleasing. We sacrifice so much in order to be liked — to be good girlfriends, good wives, good mothers and friends. Then we are angry, resentful, out of touch with our bodies, dead inside.

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Our libido can wither away after years of not feeding it what it truly desires. What women really want can has no monolithic answer, as Freud or Mel Gibson might expect. What women really wantrather, must come from each of us taking an individual journey of discovery.

How did you learn to be that way? Watching your parents relate? Watching too many rom-coms? Getting positive, albeit temporary feedback from partners past and present?

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Reading books like Ms. Experimenting with masturbationfantasysensualitytantra and more can also help you get there at your own pace. Got a question for Stefanie? Keep in touch with Stefanie on Twitter : ecosexuality. Image: Rowena Waack.

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She keeps her carbon footprint small in New York City, where she writes about sustainability, sexuality, reproductive rights, dating and relationships, politics, fashion, beauty, and more. Her HuffPost blog is sometimes controversial. Stefanie is an on-and-off adjunct professor when not busy writing and teaching about sustainable love.

A vegetarian and eco-activist since her teen years, Stefanie has made her passion into her work, and she wouldn't want it any other way. She believes that life is always better when there's more pleasure, and sustainable satisfaction is the best kind.

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Learn more about her various projects at ecosex. Look Fabulous.

Just wanting to be wanted

email: [email protected] - phone:(388) 992-2205 x 5249

What Do Women Really Want in ‘Being Wanted’? Sexual Healing