Blind nsa date

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Greetings from the tropics! I apologize for not writing to you earlier. As you probably know, if you have Blind nsa date file in front of you, I wrote to your predecessors with various modest proposals: outsourcing targeted killings to the Chinese, turning our drone program into a reality TV showand imposing an Empire Tax on our allies.

Unfortunately, if I might be immodest for a moment, none of these proposals was picked up. What was picked up, however, was my anonymous Twitter. Until recently, I had a nice desk job in Sydney. Of course I never compromised any Agency information.

Anyway, enough about me. And I think I could save our intelligence agencies a whole lot of money, not to mention turning around the terrible public relations fiasco created by that ratfink Edward Snowden yes, even out here on this undisclosed Pacific island, I received Order requiring us to use that adjective whenever referring to ES in private or public communications.

I can only imagine the kind of tension headaches generated over there at Fort Meade. This surveillance gives TMI a whole new meaning. It also stands for Three Mile Island, which is appropriate given the meltdown that ratfink Snowden has caused. Chief takeaway: We should be more selective, and more proactive, in our data collection.

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Bank robbers always say that they go where the money is. We should be going where the secrets are. And just forget about the rest. Have you heard about PostSecret? When I was running my anonymous Twitter feed, I felt this urgent need after a while to tell someone my secret, someone other than my blind dates.

I found PostSecret online. You just send an anonymous postcard with your secret to the fellow who runs the blog. He posts it or includes it in one of his really popular books. So, we should run a similar site in Arabic, Pashto, and Farsi, at least to start. People will start sending us their secrets! I realize that this might be difficult to believe. Just imagine all the al-Qaeda operatives out there who are burning to talk about their everyday life, and they simply have no outlet.

I doubt they go out on blind dates. Yes, I know: postcards are so 20 th century. Most of our adversaries are very technologically sophisticated, with up-to-date knowledge of the latest hacking techniques and the like. Have Blind nsa date heard about Shadow?

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You wake up in the middle of the night, reach over for your smart phone, and record your dream. Your text is then immediately fed into a global database. So, we should de a similar app. Would people trust an app? Of course! Our smart phones have become extensions of our bodies. They would never betray us.

I know, I know. Some hardened terrorists would never reach for a postcard or a smartphone. We also have to go to them.

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I was inspired by a recent incident that took place on Amtrak. Apparently, your predecessor Michael Hayden was sitting on the Amtrak train the other day talking on his cell phone and giving a background interview with a reporter. Sitting behind him was a curious citizen with a Twitter who eavesdropped on the conversation and reported the tastiest bits via tweets.

Even the former head of the NSA will do this! No one took his family hostage. It was just a magical combination of comfort, boredom, and an overwhelming sense of self-importance. I propose setting up a test run from Mogadishu to Kismayo. This train should have really comfortable seats, powerful air-conditioning, and a wide selection of fruit juices.

Cell phone towers should be placed at intervals along the route to ensure excellent coverage. And we place our Somali-speaking operatives in each of the cars of the train. All they have to do is wait and listen. Yes, I anticipate your last objection. Angela Merkel is not going Blind nsa date send a postcard or download our Shhh! And even though German trains are far more comfortable than Amtrak, the prime minister is not likely to get on board and start blabbing. How will my proposals net us the information we want from the leaders of our powerful allies?

Hang tight—this is my best proposal yet. Well, it was my best proposal until the Russians somehow got a jump on me. At the last G20 meeting, those wily Russians gave out cute little memory drives to all the participants. Stick the USB drive into your computer and—bingo! You had to enter a competition—on Twitter, naturally—to win a prototype. This is the hottest new gadget ever.

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We apologize for tapping their phones and compiling fat blackmail folders based on the information we assembled. We tell them that we hope that this gift will go at least part of the way toward repairing the breach in our friendship. The NSA is a modern-day Stasi? Those guys were pikers, technologically speaking.

So, what do you think? Are these brilliant suggestions, or what? I look forward to hearing from you as soon as possible. Or I could collaborate with the technogeeks in our Rome office. No blind dates on this atoll.

But I still have one of my Twitter s….

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By John Feffer October 30, Share this: Print.

Blind nsa date

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Scope of Russian Hacking Becomes Clear: Multiple U.S. Agencies Were Hit